Murder takes a city's night

goodbye

2008-02-10T19:27:53Z

this will be my last entry for dear old livejournal. it's been a long run anyway.
I'm cutting off all contact. I have to. so here's my resignation. goodbye all, maybe I'll resurface in the eyes of the public during spring. Maybe I'll keep this hiatus going for longer. for now, I am a ghost, a memory.
time to figure some stuff out.

over and out,
eddie

The Sanctuary

2008-01-28T03:00:27Z

I found a good hiding spot for winter due to some friends letting me in on the gem.
Last night was fun, and very laid back. It's more of a retreat for all of us. Helping us get away from people for awhile.
Good to know that I'll be surviving the winter. poor boy got saved.

the lesson for today, kids is:

2008-01-26T04:23:16Z

sometimes, you've just gotta laugh.
today was the most random day in a long time, but filled with some good stuff.
but then again, when is being at the shop ever normal? hahaha

but for real, Rigo is out of his mind.

city_kids @ 2007-12-16T22:25:00

2007-12-17T03:24:49Z

this may be the first winter that I have actually been enjoying.
skating every once and a while definetely makes it more enjoyable and makes me more grateful to have been on a board for so many years.
Working has actually been fun, though it makes the week routine.
    -work from 8am-6:30pm mon-fri
    -come home from work and enjoy the sweet leaf
    -then go to bed at 11
Hah thats pretty much been it. Weekends have proven to be useless. I find nothing to do on Friday and Saturday nights. Sundays are key! Sundays have become my days to drink and hang out with my buds and it's been very nice (and a change of pace) Sunday nights at Aziz's tend to end the week well.
I've basically been keeping it low key and have set my mind to toward steady work ethics.
the only gripe I have is obviously the weather, I wanna be outsiiiide.
oh, and all of the homies come home this week! I can't waaaait.

also: Josh and I have setup a project (more of a template) at http:writeonthelake.blogspot.com. It's not much now, but we plan to have it up and running soon with lots of randomness. Photo dumps, Events, Stories, etc. Like an online zine, but not? Well it's something to do for fun at least.

India, get here already.

I'd rather it be a story

2007-12-04T02:04:33Z

I believe that my purpose in life is to give all that I have, and all that I am, to my friends and family. We need to stop these insatiable cravings for selfishness, as initial as it tends to be, and start truly caring for and about others. It's not about "me", it's about us. That's when the change in the world will come about.

I want to be a good person, but sometimes it's hard when things seem hopeless or less progressive. You find yourself saying "Ahh What's the use anymore?" a lot. If you ever noticed, usually when people talk about someone and mention that the person is a nice person, they'll call them weird for being nice. I don't want to hate anyone anymore, hold any grudges, or focus on any type of negativity. I just want a fresh start with everything and everyone. Things have been better lately, and I want to make sure I stay on a good track. Sorry everyone, for having to deal with my non sense all the time. I'm just a lost boy trying to find answers as I go along this life. And trying to find someone who will truly care for me. I feel like I'm alone wherever I go, so I get frustrated and bummed by stuff like that. I just want to meet someone nice and sincere.I want to be able to treat someone as if no one else could care more about them than I do. I don't care about what happened in the past anymore, what's over is over and there's no need to bring things up all the time or tire them out. That's my problem. I dwell on my past so much, on all of the mistakes, it just ends up making me void in the present. Now, I find myself happier, aiming toward the future and trying to do my part in this life. I'm gonna stick to what I wrote down on that post it note. I believe that my purpose in life is to give all that I have and, all that I am, to my friends, family, others. To someone. And that's all I ever want it to mean.

.

oohhh shiiit

2007-11-29T04:39:41Z

Today was my first day at the Malley's Chocolate factory on Brookpark Rd. I work in the mail room and it's fucking tight. They were only accepting applications from college kids, so I work with a bunch of kids from OU.
Turns out I met one of the kids awhiiile ago at one of zime's parties, and most of the kids are pretty alright. And I work with the dude that sings for No Peace? hahaha pretty random. But basically I get paid $8.50 an hour to put boxes of chocolates into shipping boxes...and eat chocolate...and barely do anything at all. Annnd my boss (Patty) is dope as hell. So that's it, its fucking baller. It's actually a fun working environment and I'm surrounded by candy and cute girls (especially the little bittie that I kept catching eyes with that works in the store part)Too bad all of the old ladies hate us (except for the ones that give us candy of course. They LOVE us.) I'm just glad to be doing something productive. It was a good first day and just a really good day overall.

on the real

2007-11-21T07:10:43Z

two pretty good nights in a row.
Buuut Pugz has to pace the partying at his house or else hes gonna be fucked on Sunday. I don't want him to get kicked out or something, So I try to help regulate and make sure everything looks straight.

I realized that I need to get better at pool. And that Carla is fiiiine. First cool ass girl I've met in awhile.
Allyson, whats the deal with Carla!
hahaha

wait a god damn second

2007-11-18T19:25:55Z

hey, hitting on my best friend last night? really? that's pretty fucking tight.

You already know that I agreed to be on good terms because holding a grudge is a giant waste of energy and time.

But if I ever hear of anything like that again, then fuck it.

"I'm at an all time low, I bought Maverick methols"

2007-11-18T18:36:29Z

Last night was Kim's birthday at the tower, which turned out to actually be a lot of fun. I was skeptical because I was starting to hate going there for shows, but it was actually alright. They even mopped up and painted the walls and shit since I've been there, so it doesn't look like a place where murderers dwell. Since it was my first time drinking in a while, I thought I would start off the night by swigging Scott's horrible three olive's bullshit. Horrendous. But at least there was a keg of Great Lakes, which treated me nicely. The rest of the night from what I remember went a little something like this: sang "Crazy On You" during karaoke (as well as Snoop, with some random black dude I met there), good run-ins, sketchy run-ins, J-grog passing out then magically coming back to life later, everyone wasted out of their minds screaming the lyrics during Queen, hanging with Al! I was in good spirits the whole night, until I was informed that my night might get a little awkward. I didn't really care, I actually made the approach because I was sick of everyone telling me "whoa dude behind you!" ahhh who the fuck cares. I just wish I hadn't been drunk for that part. So after mixing all that beer in with some wine and some green, it was finally time to go home (well, to Nate's)
The closer on the night was throwing up as soon as I got outside to leave. I had mad spins for the last half hour or so.
then I slept on a small ass couch until waking up at 8 (still feeling fucked) to take Courtney home and get breakfast with Josh.

damn I missed Cleveland.

back to normal

2007-11-13T06:33:05Z

came home, hit a rough patch, but all is well now. She's still a sweetheart.
I'm happy to see everyone I skate with and all of the other homies all of the time.
Cincinnati was most definitely the worst two months of my life. I mean, its a cool place to visit I guess, but FUCK living there.
yeah, I made a mistake. But this experience opened my eyes to what I have here. I have too many good people here, and I was spending so much time being negative and feeling like living here would kill me.
Just a culmination of shit I didn't want to deal with anymore like family problems, decisions with school, people whom I didn't want to see anymore, and low self-esteem. All that shit attacking me at once, and I felt I had to escape it all and start fresh.
I missed Cleveland. I missed my friends and skating with all the boys. I missed my mom, my sis, and my niece. I missed it every single day. I have never been in such a deep depression in my life and those two months felt like two years. I even considered being evaluated for clinical depression, which was frightening for me at least. I did meet some cool people and did have some good times. The freedom of having your own place is such an amazing feeling, but I'm glad to be back home.
Now I'll be starting work soon, license even sooner, and school in the winter. I can't wait.
Kate, come home soon or else I'm gonna have to mission out to Colorado somehow to see you.
India, can't wait to see you come Christmas time. The two lonely sloths will have their reunion soon!
Lindsey, I'll be waiting for a smart ass comment about the song I'm listening to...but we'll just keep that between us. Ha!

peace

could it be...

2007-11-10T07:08:33Z

that I am the definition of a FOOL?
yep! very much so. I saw it coming a mile away.
good job ed, you can predict the future and at the same time not save yourself the embarrassment of what's coming because "this one can not possibly fall through" right?
everytime, like a charm. I give up.

relief

2007-11-09T19:32:29Z

I moved back home, and I've never felt better.
I haven't been this happy since I left. two months of hell.
oh well, things are looking up and I'm definitely siked to see everyone.
especially seeing her :)

told you so

2007-10-29T21:15:50Z

looks like cinci isn't working out. the environment in the house is too much and the people that hang out here need to die.
guess I'll be going back home for a bit, get my act together.
honestly, I can't wait.

my introduction

2007-09-24T16:20:34Z

ladies and gentlemen, what stands before you is the definition of a fool.
A person that is lost and a dreamer. Completely out of touch with reality, he "wishes" and "hopes" for things to be better. What is he looking for? What does he want? Not even he can answer those questions, which adds to the frustration. The realization that good people go so unnoticed in this world sickens him, and leaves him to give up on his beliefs. Trying to be the "nice guy" has lead to the "lonely guy". He is extremely hard on himself and his own worst critic. He does not search for sympathy, but for someone that genuinely cares.
He will continue being lost until the unhappiness has pushed him over the edge.
A person struggling to be happy, motivated, and understood.
For him, this road will never end.

back

2007-09-16T05:58:00Z

to the nati, finally. I got really bummed out tonight. I can't make sense of anything. The only thing that does make sense is that I've fallen for the forbidden. It ended up being as risky as I thought it would be, especially with constant eyes waiting for indications of truth to the rumor. Maybe I did fuck up, maybe I get myself into dumb situations all the time because I'm just that much of a sucker.
But I can't regret it. I left that last night in town and did one thing that I've always wanted to, just before I walked out of here.
I just end up feeling like a terrible person.

a visit home

2007-09-13T02:25:46Z

Josh and I just got into town about 4 hours ago and will be staying until Sunday afternoon.
I had to pick up some stuff from here to bring back.
Too bad I already want to go back because from what I hear, Cleveland is blowin' it big time. Eventually, everybody will fuck each other until all of Cleveland contracts AIDS and the city will have to be nuked in order to be quarantined. ugggh.
Also, coming home to see a For Sale sign in the backyard struck me with a surprise. So weird, I really don't live here anymore.
looks like we left right in time.

ahhh

2007-09-08T21:32:50Z

things are starting to haunt me from back home.
mainly the events of my last night in town. I knew the cat was gonna get out of the bag.
oh well. last night we threw Ben a birthday party which turned into a rager.
then all hell broke loose as kids from our party got into an argument with kids from the party next door. the argument escalates into a crazy ass riot in the driveway.
never a dull moment

the first few days

2007-09-06T00:18:11Z

have consisted of waking up to bong rips, skating all day in crazy heat, drinking until 7 in the morning everyday, chinese place right across the street, heinous bro neighbors, chill neighbors, an a lot more. I can't believe how much I've been laughing and smiling. I'm happy again, and even if other people let me down, these guys are my brothers and are always there to help out. I tried to think of what this year would have been like had I stayed. My guess is that I would have drowned myself in Lake Erie or something. But really, I'm enjoying myself so much and the people here are cool. Everyone seems so excited and siked. I love it, and I needed it.

the past is the past, here's to the future.

farewell

2007-08-30T19:01:28Z

today is my last day in Cleveland, the place I've called home for the 19 years of my life.
I'll spend most of my day packing and cleaning around the house.
and then! the going away party is later tonight. which means time to get belig for the last time here.

no sadness today, not for my last day. I've spent my whole summer being bummed out. Tonight there is only smiles and hugs. I will miss the few genuine people I have met here, my good friends, and my family.

Bate! it's finally happening!

onward to the next adventure

it feels

2007-08-09T06:34:59Z

good to have a phone call regularly at night again.
she's really nice.

days left: 22

which means I have many things to do and think about.
until then, there are no smiles. I hate it here still, though it won't be long. But I still feel miserable. Can't wait to put this place behind me.

Kate, sorry we didn't see each other much this summer. I really didn't want you to see me so unhappy. I miss you, and wish that I could have spent the whole summer yelling at people while driving, drinking nothing but slushies and 40's, and eating El Rodeo. I knew you weren't siked to be back, and I didn't want to bring you down further with me.

I learned my lesson, I should have went to cinci LAST year.

1

2007-08-01T17:04:30Z

month exactly.
I'll be out of here soon enough.

"everybody duck down!"

2007-07-11T06:53:48Z

last night was the sketchiest time ever, but at the same time it was the most fun. The bad night was followed by a flawless beautiful day today, it was perfect. Highlight of summer so far

I'll elaborate, but not tonight
wayyy tired

I don't know if its

2007-07-09T20:14:13Z

the combination of drinking warm pop and having no cigarettes while listening to "South of Heaven", but I just realized I don't give a fuck anymore about this place. I'm completely over Cleveland and everyone in it. I don't have many ties here that I really care about keeping here with the exception of my family, people like Cynthia, Bezak, Eric, Bate and others whom I'm actually friends with. If I don't talk to you on a frequent basis, we're probably not friends and you should go drown yourself in Lake Erie (I mean, since you all "LoVe ThE bEaCh & NaTuRe & StUfF!!!")

everyone else can go fuck themselves. I'm over all these stupid kids here, they can all burn in hell for all I care. I've stayed quiet for too long. Two more months and I'll be in Cincinnati with my good friends, and thats all I'm looking forward to.

I gotta go to the corner store and buy a tea and a fresh pack, so I can settle down. Then I'll be back to finding it "ok" to be here this summer.

note to self

2007-07-03T05:43:17Z

when things start bothering you and building pressure on you, just remember:
2
more
months

I'm counting down the days.

into the mirror

2007-06-29T05:49:34Z

my dad came up to me a probably 30 minutes ago and talked to me about if I didn't approve of his presence in the house and if the reason that I'm out and about is because of him. He asked me this because my mother apparently told him that she was feeling too enclosed and like it better when it was just her and I living here. Listening to the way that he spoke, the regret and the confusionin his voice struck me hard. I felt like I was listening to myself talk.

for the first time I felt like my father's son.